BDSM: Take Charge During Sex


BDSM: Take Charge During Sex

A lot of the time, our fantasies lie outside the boundaries of what we believe we should feel, outside of what we think is normal. The crazy thing is that that’s normal , which is why people sometimes start feeling like what they want in the bedroom is something a little rougher, a little more intense, and a little bit questionable — people want to take charge.

Like all acts between consenting adults, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with taking charge during sex on any level. If it turns you on and you’re not hurting anybody (who doesn’t want to be hurt), the sky’s the limit where your fantasies are concerned.

It can be fun and thrilling to take an aggressive approach to your bedroom adventures, but you have to learn the basics of playing with power before you turn your generator on.
everybody’s doing it
Power play, or aggressive sex, is like a big pyramid. Most people are down at the bottom, and they’re pretty much flat and on the ground. Their sex is playful and maybe just a bit edgy — they like love bites and love taps, but they’re not quite as playful as the people a little further up.

As you ascend the pyramid wall, the angles change, the incline gets steeper, and less and less people are willing to climb to that level. That’s fine — it’s all a matter of taste.

As you move further and further up the pyramid, eventually sex starts looking pretty sharp and pointy, and that’s the apex of control: BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, Masochism). Couples who enjoy BDSM like things to be as intense as possible. Maybe you’re one of them, and maybe you’re not, but chances are, no matter who you are, you fall somewhere on that line, a line that includes things like tying your woman up or being tied up yourself, giving or getting a light (or heavy) spanking, biting gently or hard, or even just talking dirty.

Taking charge during sex is fun because it gives you an opportunity to play with your role as a lover. For the moment, you’re not so tender — instead, you’re cruel, mean and intense. You can make her beg for mercy or enjoy begging. It’s crossing the lines of what you expect of yourself and your sex life that make taking charge fun, but in order to cross the lines, you must first define them.

You have to trust each other before the spanking begins.

Trust & power

No matter how high you climb on the pyramid of control, trust must always remain your safety-line. Without rock-solid trust, taking charge loses its fun and becomes scary. You need to be clear with your woman on what each of you wants, and make sure you’re on the same track before taking any steps toward a more aggressive bedroom manner.

This means communication: talk to her about the things you want, and why you think they’d be fun. Ask how intense she’d like things to be, and make sure to pay careful attention to her answer. Make sure you both agree on which lines can be crossed and which are strictly off-limits, and never cross a boundary you’ve agreed to keep.

Once you know the limits, you can start playing within them, and you’ll be surprised at how quickly the two of you adapt. So long as there is trust, each of you knows that no actual, lasting harm will come from stepping outside of the roles you’re accustomed to. And that’s when the fun begins.
use a safe word
People who enjoy BDSM use what’s called a “safe word” to ensure they retain ultimate control of the situation they’re in. It’s a word that both partners decide upon beforehand that means “stop immediately,” without actually saying it that way.

The reason for a safe word is that, in certain kinds of play with consent, your woman or you may want to say “no,” or “stop,” or “don’t,” and not know if the pleas will be ignored. Therefore, in case things get more intense than either of you can handle, a word like “cantaloupe” will alert the dominant partner that they should back off.

Unless you have agreed on a safe word beforehand, always stop immediately if your woman says “no,” “stop,” or anything like that. Never assume you have your lover’s consent for everything rough or extreme that you haven’t already discussed, especially if that something involves pain (spanking, whipping, etc.). Test the waters first and if you have any doubts, don’t be afraid to ask.

Now it’s time to start talking dirty…

talking dirty
Once you’re certain of trust and limits, you can start enjoying the possibilities. The first one is talking dirty, which is pretty self-explanatory. A lot of people don’t even talk at all during sex, so to say anything is a groundbreaking revolution. But for others, it’s liberating to start talking to their lover with words they wouldn’t usually verbalize.

Test the waters first by saying something like “your p*ssy feels so hot,” and once you’re both comfortable, see how far you can take it. Always check for her response, and allow for some give-and-take between you so that you’re both aware of what the other wants. You might be surprised at how willing she is to make sex even dirtier.

Then you can graduate to tying your woman up and teasing or tickling her imprisoned body until she yells out for more. You can try spanking, biting, pinching, and twisting — or experiment with old standbys like hot candle wax and ice cubes.

Depending on your limits with pain, more serious spanking, or even whipping or paddling, might be something you can explore — you can find the equipment for these adventures at any well-stocked sex shop. But like everything else in sex, start small and work your way up.
give up your power
In order to maintain a loose balance in your power play, it may be wise to trade off taking charge and be taken charge of. You can do this from week to week, or from night to night. This way each of you gets to experience both dominant and submissive positions, enjoying each for its own merits.

You may even discover that you and your woman fit perfectly into a power-play relationship, in which one of you is always dominant, the other always submissive. In order to figure this out and learn about yourself, all you have to do is play and see what turns you on the most.

You can be whoever you want in bed — torturer or obedient slave. It’s up to both of you.

Read more: http://www.askmen.com
BDSM for Men

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