SEPTEMBER 27TH, 2011
If it weren’t for my loyal relationship with the library, I wouldn’t be exposed to so much goodness for anywhere from seven-thirty days at a time.
My most recent checkout – not to be confused with the trucker’s delight I provided on the freeway while driving Dirk in a short skirt – was Honky Tonk Girl, The Loretta Lynn Collection. To quote disc one, track three, “Success.”
Loretta is one smart white piano girl. For those of you not in the know, another term for ‘white piano girl’ is ‘honky tonk woman.’ I love me some good honky tonk living. Why? Because even though I don’t live in the Deep South, I live South of something and I fancy a rough establishment that serves spirits to working class folk like myself.
This may come as a surprise to many, but most know I’m more of the bawdy variety. I was reminded of this when listening to What Kind of a Girl (Do You Think I Am?) and reading about a new show called ‘Free Agents‘ – about a recently divorced man who cries when he has sex.
Within seconds of reading the summary of this show, I had visuals of the time when I went home with someone from the bar (again, bawdy) and, after several activities, we retreated to his bedroom. Again, Loretta comes through. Imagine “Man I Hardly Know” playing in the background. Then, imagine if you will – no need for me to imagine, because I really experienced this – the man crying while we had sex. Uh oh, “Trouble in Paradise.”
“Tears of joy?” you ask. “No,” I honestly reply. This man could not get over the fact that his ex-wife was no longer with him. When I suggested I let him be alone, he begged me to stay the night. Although Loretta has a song for this, “Out of my Head and Back in my Bed,” it wasn’t for me, rather, it was for him. All I wanted to do was get out of giving head and get back in my own bed.
Fortunately, he eventually cried himself to sleep. I managed to sneak out of the bed, call a cab, and eat his Honeycomb cereal until the cab arrived. There were two things I had that night, that I hadn’t had in some time: a one-night stand with a Man I Hardly Know and Honeycomb cereal. I can’t wait to get me some Honeycomb again.